In Search of Myself

A camper.

My dad has a pop-up camper that he, obviously, goes camping with.  Well sometimes when he's home between trips, he'll leave it in the driveway for a few weeks, fully up.  He cleans it, arranges it for the next trip, and lets Jake play in it.  (Yes, always with supervision.)  I think maybe dad likes having an extra "room" to go to when mom gets on his nerves?  ha ha ha.

Anyway, Jake LOVES the camper.  He goes out there with my dad all the time.  The other day, Jake told me "I want you to buy me a camper."  I said "Are you kidding?"  He said "I NEED one."  I said "Jake, Grand-dad has a camper.  You play in it with him at his house."  And he said "But I need one at MY house."

I said, "Jake, no way.  I am not buying you a camper."  Then he made a "tiny" gesture with his fingers and said "I just need a LITTLE one."

bwah ha ha ha ha.  Maybe when you get older I'll buy you a tent, kid.  Of course, if you make me insane when you're a teenager, I might revisit that camper idea.

Random stuff

~ Priscilla (and family) left Sunday for 2 or 3 weeks in Maryland.  They're from up there and will be visiting family and high school friends.  I, meanwhile, will be all alone here and best-friend-less.  No, don't worry about me or anything.  LOL.  I did get to hang out with the older girls for a while on Saturday while Priscilla did some stuff with the baby.  Jake was a terror and made the visit not fun, but the girls were good.

~ We had a cook-out yesterday with my parents.  We let Jake play in his pool in my parents' back yard, mom and dad cooked chicken and hamburgers, we ate together, then my dad watched Jake while my mom, sister Kathy, and I played Yahtzee.  I won.  Woo hoo!  Lou was there for the meal, then went home.  He always eats and runs when he can for family gatherings.  Which is why we drive separate.

~ We went to the Y after church on Sunday (right when it opens on Sunday at 1 p.m. is a GREAT time to go.  They're not busy yet.  But don't you show up to mine and crowd it up!!!)  Jake and I played catch with a ball and he even "made a friend" -- there was a little 8 year old (?) Mexican girl who was swimming with friends but kept coming over to play catch with him.  I was really proud of him for interacting with someone he didn't know, because usually it's impossible to get him to even LOOK at people he's not familiar with.

~ I spent 3 hours Sunday and a few hours Monday organizing all our bills and financial information.  I have a good grasp now of every little thing, and a plan to make it work.  Knowledge is power.  It's better to just put it all on the table and deal with it.  I've realized that Jake is going to college in 14 or 15 years.  If I want to have $50,000 saved to help him (and really?  by then that still won't cover much), I would have to start putting away $300 a month, RIGHT NOW.  But I can't, because I'm trying desperately to pay off my own student loans, and still SEVERAL years away from that.  (See debt-o-meter down on the left sidebar.)  We'll figure something out, I'm sure.

~ I've lost 10 pounds so far since going sugar-free 19 days ago.  Knowing I have to do that 6 more times until I'm down to my target weight is really depressing.  Especially that to maintain any kind of decent weight, I'll have to keep pretty much avoiding sugar for the rest of my life.  Good times.

Jake-isms from Indiana

now that the Indiana trip is a whole week behind us, I want to make sure I write down the funny things Jake said before I forget:
~ after waking up one morning, "Nana, I want a banana.  I want a banana, Nana!"  (say it to yourself a few times.  the "na-na-na-na" is just FUNNY.  And he was so serious and whiny about it.  My cousin Kim and I about fell over laughing at him.  And because we were laughing, he kept repeating it until he got the banana.)
~ facing a big window in the morning and looking like he's catching snowflakes on his tongue: "Mama, I'm eating the sunshine!"
~  "Mom, I want you to tell she to play with me."  I'm still trying to help him learn that HE needs to talk to friends to ask them to play, not have me do it.  And he mixes up "she" and "her" a lot.  He really had a good time playing with Courtney.  Just had a hard time talking to her about it.
~  "I have to wear my SAND SHOES!"  He got new sandals a little bit ago from Lou, they have the characters from Carz on them.  He calls them sand shoes instead of sandals, and he loves them because he can put them on by himself.
~  "I smell dat.  I smell dat cake, mama!  Mama, I need some of that cake!" as my cousin Kim was baking Isaiah's birthday cake.
~ driving off the interstate and into a town for lunch, "Are we going to the Donald's?  Are we going to go in and play?!  THERE IS IS.  MOM, STOP THERE.  I SEE THE DONALDS."  (McDonald's.)

Help.

Help me.

I've become THAT PERSON.

You know.

The one who only drinks water with their meals.

The one who orders a salad every freaking place you go.

And says no to the french fries and baked potatoes.

The one who over-analyzes every eating decision she makes.

The one who looks for the "low carb" foods on the menu.

Who, in a pinch, will order a grilled chicken sandwich and not eat the bread.

The one who declines food, saying "Oh, I CAN'T have that," or "No, that's not on my diet."

The one who almost cries when the cashier at Panera tells her they're out of the whole grain baguette, and would she like a piece of french baguette?

The one who, when you bring it up, will explain sugar, insulin, and glucose and how it affects your body.  And she doesn't stop talking even when your eyes glaze over and you look away nervously.

The one who reads enough diet and nutrition books to get an advanced degree.

The one who has a food journal and writes everything she eats into it, in hopes of tracking her energy and moods and progress.

The one who tells her husband, "You know, I'm a little concerned we're feeding {child} too many carbs."

The one who, in the grocery store, stands there flipping over box after box of different brands of food, searching for the nutrition information and putting them back with a sigh or a slam because they don't fit with "the plan," all the while muttering to herself "not enough protein" or "too many sugars."

I hate that person.

But that is me now.  And it makes me sad. And mad.  I never in all my life thought I would turn into that person.

. . .

And in related news, I've lost 5 pounds.  And I haven't had sugar for 15 days now.

Courtney

Well, here's Indiana, part one.  We'll start with Courtney.  She is my cousin Kim's daughter.  (My mom is Linda, her brother is Steve.  They are 11 months apart and the oldest of 8 kids.  Kim is Steve's daughter, the 2nd of 10 kids.  She's 2 years older than me.) This kid TOTALLY cracks me up.  She's crazy.  And Jake adores her . . . follows her around like a puppy.  They have a lot of fun together.  She's a year and a half older than Jake, but they're the same height.  LOL.  And she's SO STINKING CUTE!!!!!!!!!

Hee Hee. Beep!

Been trying to finish this layout for like two weeks.  I know it looks "busy" as a small graphic on the web . . . but once it's printed as a two page full size layout?  It will be SO CUTE!

P.S. can you believe these pictures are from almost TWO YEARS ago?!

Yes, I'm here.

Back from Indiana, but SO tired and I have a TON of things to do.  I have a ton of cute pictures from this weekend, hopefully I'll get to those tomorrow?  My allergies are killing me -- I think I'm allergic to Indiana.  I'm STILL sneezing, and we got back yesterday afternoon.  I haven't had sugar (well, non-fruit sugar or sugar that is randomly in foods I'm allowed to eat) or white bread/white flour products since May 11th.  It's been a long 11 days, let me tell you.  And no, I don't feel SO MUCH BETTER like everyone says I will . . . I'm just hungry and a little cranky.  Good times!

Mother's Day gift

Well, I'm leaving in the morning for Indiana -- my mom wants to go to her cousin's wedding, and I'm going to hang out with my cousin Kim.  Jake and her kids just love each other, so it will be fun to let them play and to just chill the heck out.  I'm doing good on my new "diet/lifestyle change" and haven't had sugar for almost a week.  You can guess what kind of a mood I'm in, then -- I really didn't realize before just how much I regulated my moods with sugar.  And the new medication I'm on is making me sick -- which I hope will last just as long as it takes my body to get used to it.

ANYWAY.  Here are (finally) the pages I made to put in my mom's Mother's Day gift. (click on any image to view larger.) I also printed some of the pages that I'd given to my dad for Christmas, and this book will be a work in progress.  Have a good weekend, everyone!  I'll be back Monday, but I'll be pretty worthless.  LOL.

Best. Show. Ever.

I LOVE GREY'S ANATOMY.

Like really.  OMG.

Last night's 2 hour season finale was AMAZING.  I laughed, I cried -- a lot -- I got freaked out and emotional and upset and excited . . . it's just such an amazing show.

I only started watching last fall (a few episodes into the 2nd season.)  Sunday nights I do laundry.  And as I fold it, I watch Desperate Housewives.  I started not being done folding laundry yet, so when DH was over, I'd just watch Grey's Anatomy because it was there.  And slowly I was drawn in.

I love the characters.  I love the dynamics between them.  I love the clever dialog, the plot twists, the love triangles, the gut-wrenching raw emotion that the actors portray SO very well.  The voice over narration, the perfectly chosen music, the themes that each episode has.  Meredith's "Pick me.  Choose me.  Love me." speech was one of the most heart-breaking things I've ever seen.  So many memorable moments.  Meredith's hand on the bomb.  The girl with the 60 pound tumor.  Callie cutting George's hair.  Addison letting Meredith give them her dog.  George crawling into Bailey's bed to help her deliver her baby.  Meredith confronting her dad, and later finding out she has sisters.  The first time Denny hit on Izzy.  Every single moment that Meredith and Derick are in the elevator together. 

In the recent episodes, I've LOVED seeing George become more confident and more mature.  I go between liking Callie's character and thinking she's nuts -- but I'm starting to see that she's a girl who is very hurt so she acts tough.  I like how Christina is trying to figure out how to be in a relationship, and how to relate to people in general.  Alex is a bad-boy and always saying and doing the wrong thing, but he has such amazing moments of redemption -- like when he lifted Izzy off the bed and held her.  The Meredith/Derick relationship (which online people call Mer/Der) is SO complicated.  And so heart-breaking.  A lot of people don't understand it -- I think until you have had a connection in your life like they have, you can't really understand.  And so yeah, it's horrible that Derick was married when they got together (although he was very much separated) and especially horrible that he just keeps loving her and not getting past it to love his wife, who is trying and who is also hurting, and yes them sleeping together in the finale was crossing the line . . . but there's this force that's beyond them that pulls them toward each other.  They can't help but love each other, and they hate each other because of it.  They WANT to stop, and to move on with their lives, but they can't.  I truly believe they could never see each other again in their lives and they would still feel the same.  A love like that just doesn't go away.  Meredith was running away from him because he was looking at her, and he followed her . . . I don't know why he did.  Surely he knew what would happen.  Meredith has been trying so hard to do the right thing -- but once she was in a room alone with him and he kissed her . . . well, for her there was no turning back.  And truthfully I'd been WANTING them to hook up again, just because they're so good together.  And dude, that was a totally hot scene!!!  But now things are complicated.  Deliciously complicated.

So it ended with Meredith basically being asked to choose between her new vet boyfriend, Finn (the very hot Chris O'Donnell) and Derick/McDreamy (Patrick Dempsy.)  She's standing there, several feet away from both, and they both say her name.  Finn just wants to drive her home, and Derick wants to talk about what happened.  She's standing there looking at both of them and the credits start rolling.

What I'm HOPING will happen in the next episode, to finish this scene, is that she will say "I'm sorry" and turn behind her and run down the stairs.  She drove herself there, she can drive herself home.  There's no easy resolution to this plot (which is what makes it such a good one.)  You know they have to drag out this relationship to keep us interested throughout the series, however many seasons it takes.  Mer/Der are the new Ross/Rachel.  We'll keep watching, knowing they're meant to be together, and hoping they find a way back to each other without causing too much damage in the meantime.

Every commercial break comes too soon.  Every episode leaves you wanting more.  I hope they release season two on DVD VERY SOON.  It's going to be a long summer, waiting for season three to start!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Thoughts

I don't like when my blog is negative, even out of necessity.  Thus, today I'm not going to talk about PCOS and diet issues, despite the fact that they are weighing heavily on my mind.  And my heart.  And my stomach.  I'm just going to show you a sweet picture of my favorite baby.

P.S.  here's some more cheeriness, a page I just finished for Lauren Grier's design team.  Here is the kit: Punky Mom.