My therapy.

There are days I honestly think that Priscilla and I keep each other sane.  Sometimes I think about my friends -- on-line and in real life -- who struggle with depression, and about the times I've been depressed.  I know that depression is real.  I've been on Zoloft two different times for depression -- once in college, when I was in a funk, and once starting at the end of my pregnancy to help ward off postpartum depression.  I could feel the highs and lows coming and it scared me, and knowing that it takes several weeks to recognize the problem, get diagnosed, take the meds and get them to start working, I didn't want those weeks to be in the midst of a deep depression with a newborn.  I think I did avoid a lot of the bad feelings and the extreme lows by doing this, and somewhere in Jake's first year I felt good enough to stop taking the pills, and I haven't had to take them since.

And especially after spending an evening with Priscilla like last Friday, I think she's a huge reason why I don't need to.  When people go to therapy, a big part of what they are there for is to have someone listen to them, to ask questions to dig deeper, to help them work through their story and come to an understanding of it.  I know that some people have other goals for therapy, and some people need more professional guidance -- especially if they're working through major issues -- but I think some people just need someone's undivided attention.  I know that I do.  I need a safe place where I know I can say just about anything, and to be told it's OK that I feel the way I do, and to have a deeper conversation to figure out WHY I feel that way or WHY the person who is in my path is doing what they are doing. 

I think I will probably struggle with depression my entire life, because of my genetic inheritance.  I can't tell you how many women on my mom's side of the family have had chronic depression.  There have been times when I start to get depressed for NO reason whatsoever.  And it sucks.  I hate it when I start to feel that way, and I hate how hard I have to fight to make it go away.  I also hate when idiots spout off about depression and say that if you were just a Christian or if you just took vitamins or you just didn't feel sorry for yourself, you wouldn't feel depressed.  Until you've been in the middle of it, you can't possible understand and thus you have no ground to stand on to talk about it.

When I haven't spent time with Priscilla in a while, I honestly feel different because of that lack of an outlet for my thoughts.  I'm not going to spiral into depression if I don't see her for two weeks, but it does feel weird to not see her.  Some days I think we should be charging each other for our time together.  "Ok, that was a great talk.  We both owe each other $80."  LOL.  I'm not saying that if you need therapy it's because you don't have friends.  That's not it at all.  I'm just saying that for ME, this particular friendship accomplishes all the same things I think I would get from therapy, only it's better because it's free and she brings me Starbucks.

Comments

[Ninotchka]

AMEN SISTER! I can so relate to everything you said. I do think my Mom and sisters keep me sane more often than not. NO ONE can listen to and understand me better than they can. Even Guy, I think. I have sought therapy in my adult life before when it got particularly bad and I felt SOOO down (and my family seemed so far away - which they are). But generally, they're my sounding board and I truly don't know what I'd do without them. :)

Wish they'd bring me Starbucks though. You got me there. ha ha ha

[Kelly]

Very sweet entry about you and P! Definetly the BEST therapy in the world, free and friends! Wish I had my closest friends (including you) near me but since I don't, I know my phone calls with friends and my email and blog friends are my therapy. Oh and food. Bad Bad Kelly.

[Kelly]

You think Jake and Elauna will be getting married someday? :)

SWEET PIC!

[Jen_Jake'smom]

Honestly? There are days when I totally wish that Jake would marry one of P's girls -- either one, I love them both!!! I love their entire family SO much -- built in great relationship with the in-laws!!! -- and I really admire Priscilla as a mother. I know that she is raising the girls wonderfully, and whoever DOES grow up to marry Elauna and Aowyn will be very lucky young men!!! What my main hope between Jake and Lana, though, is that through their relationship Jake will learn to respect and love women and really see girls as PEOPLE, not objects. I think their friendship is going to be a wonderful learning tool for all of his life. I also hope that Jake's friendship helps Lana's self-esteem and that she won't have to go through that stage as a teenager where you so desperately want a boyfriend because actually you want the approval and affirmation of a boy. Ya know?!

;o)

Jen

[Andrea]

Cute, cute pic, Jen! They are just so adorable!! I'm really glad that you have such a good friend to turn to when you are down. I'm lucky to have my mom and Andy to listen to all my problems, although right now it really sucks to be so far away from my mom. She's always been the one I could tell ANYTHING to. *Sigh* Guess the phone thing will just have to do for now.

[Tricia]

Jen, I felt the heart of this post intensely. I have struggled with depression since my teen years and I know I will always struggle with it for all my life. It is not a fun thing to have to live with. I can not explain how I feel to just anyone because they dont get it most of the time. Thank goodness, that my husband is there for me. While, i admit it, he doesnt quite understand it all the time either but he is there for me ...always! I admire your relationship with Priscilla. I have longed for a best friend most of my adult life...no, all of my adult life. To have someone here, in person, that feels the same about me as I do for them. I pray that some day, I will get that. Cherish what you have and dont let it go. Hugs!

[Priscilla]

I'm there for ya girl! :-) I love you to pieces! Now, how bout that $80??? just kidding! I'll give you a discount, $30??? ;)