In Search of Myself

Cousins Update

I had a chance to talk to my cousin Kim last night on the phone, and she said Isaiah is doing really well since his surgery last week.  He stayed in the hospital for a day, which was good because he wouldn't eat or drink anything.  It took 4 days for his throat to feel better enough to eat consistently, but he is doing much better now.

Kim also told me that Melanie is being taken off her medications that have been stabilizing her blood pressure; she'll be completely without medication for 3 months to see if she can do without it, then they will re-evaluate her condition and see where to go from there.  She is definitely on the road to recovery and just might kick this whole thing all together!  God DOES answer prayer!

P.S. If you haven't already, read Kate's latest entry, which recaps everything they went through to get their darling Brody.  It really does make you believe in miracles.

More T.V. . . .

So how sad is it that last night at the end of One Tree Hill I was heart-broken when Hailey left Nathan and got on the bus to go on tour and pursue her singing career, meanwhile poor heart-broken Nathan is at home and throws her keyboard against the wall, breaking it AND their cute montage of pictures of the two of them they were given as a wedding gift?  And the trailers show Nathan back to his "bad-boy ways" next week (heh, I can't wait to see him punch his dad.) 

I think the bigger question is, why do I like this teeny-bopper drama so much?  Shouldn't I be PAST that by now?  I mean, loving Desperate Housewives makes sense for me right now, I'm a mother and a wife.  But a teen drama?  I don't know . . . some shows just really draw me in and I'm fascinated by the characters and I feel "at home" watching them.  For the past 10 years it's been Friends.  Before that, as an elementary schooler it was (and please don't laugh at me) Who's the Boss.  (I don't know why.)  Then there was Wings.  (Does anyone else remember Helen and Brian and Joe?)  And MacGyver.  Oh how I loved him.  And now That 70's Show -- for some reason I can't keep away from it.  I will stay up WAY past my bedtime just to catch the 10 p.m. re-run on weeknights (which honestly is part of Jake and I's bedtime issues.  If he's not asleep by 10, we're going back downstairs to watch it.  heh.)  And I do think American families watch too much TV and there are much better things to do with your time, and we do try to limit TV watching or just have it on in the background as we do other things . . . but I'm already looking forward to next Tuesday to find out what else happens with Nathan and Hailey.

Yeah, I'm a dork.

SuperNanny

So how ironic is it that I blew off Jake's bedtime and making him sleep in his own bed last night so that I could watch SuperNanny?  I almost fell over laughing when that four year old little girl got in her mom's face and said "Back off right now!" so meanly.  Wow.  And I felt so bad for the little boy being terrorized by his sisters and how his mom took everything out on him and never listened to what he had to say.  It's amazing how just a few changes can turn a family around all together, and make the kids act like completely different people.  I think there are a lot of parents who aren't sure what to do and need guidance like this.  (Of course, I always feel very smug when watching these programs, because I feel like I have a pretty good grip on discipline and parenting and such.  But that's just me.  And yes, I do know I need to do better about bedtime and Jake's eating habits.  We're working on it.)  Am I the only one who loves this show?

Edited to add:  I was sitting here thinking and realized that I might come off as conceited or annoying with the whole "I have a pretty good grip on discipline and parenting" thing, but here's what I mean: Jake isn't out of control.  He is calm and well-behaved, plays nicely with other kids, listens to adults for the most part.  When he does get defiant or "shows out," I deal with it immediately with a time out or a stern talking-to, and it doesn't escalate beyond that.  It really bothers me when parents don't even TRY to make their toddlers behave and be respectful.  I know there's a difference between just being a kid and being out of control.  I let Jake be a kid.  But I don't put up with hitting, spitting, etc., and he is responsible for helping me pick up his toys, putting away his shoes, keeping track of his sippy cups and puppy dogs, etc.  I can make him stop his behavior with a look or a quick "do you need a time out?"  He knows what's expected of him, and I remind him of how he needs to act before he gets in trouble for it.  (Kids shouldn't get in trouble for things they do accidentally or if they don't realize they're being bad.)  I follow through with my "threats" and I act immediately to resolve the little problems before they get big.  We have struggles, sure -- every day -- but I feel good about the big picture.  And the interesting thing, which a lot of parents on SuperNanny or Nanny 911 find out, is you have to discipline so much LESS once you have expectations put in place, and it actually lets you be NICER to your kids and enjoy them more.

Okay, I'm done with my rant.  I really hope this is taken in the right way.  I think those of you who know me know where I'm coming from and you know I'm not just being snotty. . . right?

A quick hello (and smile) from Jake.

Mommy had a hard weekend, but Mondays aren't any different to me than any other day, so from where I stand, it's all good!!!  (click on picture to open it up and see my silly smile.)

P.S. I slept in my own bed last night, all night.  It only took mama an hour of fighting with me before I finally fell asleep!

Bedtime

Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who has taken time to make suggestions on our sleep issue.  I really appreciate it, and I am doing some serious reconsidering of our bedtime routine.  I've realized I haven't been deliberate enough about bedtime.  I try to be a fairly laid-back parent, because dude, I'm a very laid back person.  I think my favorite word is "whatever."  Or maybe "dude."  heh.  (I say "whatever, dude," a LOT.  And I own 8 tye-dye shirts.  But I have NEVER smoked pot.  heh.)  ANYWAY, I am resolved to be more deliberate about bedtime and to make having a schedule and a better routine a high priority.

Last night was my first night of trying hard to implement this change.  We went upstairs at 9:30 p.m. to start the whole thing.  (Lou doesn't leave for work until 9:20 p.m., and most nights we don't even get home from my mom's house until 7 or 8 because of piano lessons.)  I let Jake play in his room while I checked my e-mail quickly (he really wanted to play with his Star Wars toys in his room.)  Then we brushed our teeth and went potty, then came back into his room to read books.  Then I turned out the lights and gave Jake the choice between being rocked, or laying in the bed (and I told him that when he laid in the bed, I was staying in the chair.)  He wanted to lay down, so that worked for 10 minutes (even though he kept saying "Mum?  With me?  Bed?  Mum?")  Then he said "Poop.  Potty."  I said "Jake, you do NOT need to go potty, and you already pooped tonight (IN the potty!!!  he's getting SO good with that!), just go to sleep."  I then hear him hold his breath and fart twice, so I realize that maybe he DOES need to poop.  We get up and go sit on the potty, and yes he did need to poop again.  So then onward back to bed, and by this time it's 11 p.m. 

Jake got really upset that I wasn't next to him, so I sat on the floor by his bed (remember, he's just got a mattress on the floor.)  I was tired, so I ended up laying down on the floor, which was probably a mistake -- but I was about to fall over.  So goofy Jake keeps crawling onto the floor to lay on me.  I kept telling him to get back in bed, and he would give me a hug and get a goofy grin on his face, then get back on the bed.  When he was on the bed, he was right on the edge and had his hand extended so he could touch me.  But two minutes later he was laying on me again.  (When he was a baby and nursing, to go to sleep I used to lay on the couch and watch TV, and lay him on top of me and let him nurse.  I guess he somehow still associates going to sleep with laying on me -- he'll crawl up on me and I'll hug him and say "Ok, I love you.  Lay in the bed," and he'll crawl back down.)   Then for a while he laid in the little space on the floor between me and the mattress.  He was being still and quiet, so I let him.  Finally I said "Get back up in the bed and I'll lay with you (this was just because he was finally calmed down enough to sleep.)  We got back on the bed, and he leaned over me and said "Floor?"  He's so goofy!  [It made me think of the time when he was 10 months old and I was exhausted -- I came home from work and laid down in the middle of the living room.  Lou was there, so I figured he could watch Jake while I took a nap.  Jake toddled over, looked at me, laid down next to me and went to sleep!]

So Jake finally fell asleep not too long after we got back in the bed, then I got up and slept in MY bed -- it was 11:50 p.m.!  So technically we didn't make a lot of progress, but hey, you have to start somewhere, right?

Someone help.

   I don't know why, but no matter what we do and no matter how the variables fall into place during the day, Jake will not fall asleep before midnight.  He either sleeps with me, or I lay down with him in his bed until he's asleep and I go to my room once he's asleep.  I fought with him as a baby to try to make him fall asleep on his own and not need me nearby, but no matter what I did he wouldn't do it.  Most babies will settle down after 20 minutes and just go on to sleep -- not Jake.  Not ever.  He would stay up ALL NIGHT -- for HOURS -- crying.  This was as an infant.  Finally after months of fighting with him I realized it made more sense to just let him sleep with me so we could both get some sleep.  If I didn't have to get up at 5:30 a.m. this wouldn't be an issue, but I do, so I do the best I can with what I have to work with.  I'm not being over-indulgent, I'm being realistic.  Leaving him in his room to cry it out now isn't an option anyway -- he just opens the door and climbs over the baby gate.  The hallway between his room and my room opens up to the stairway, and if I give him the option of wandering I'm afraid he'll fall down the stairs.  I don't think it's fair -- right now -- to lock him in his room.  (Ask me again when he's a teenager.)  So he lays with me and we try to go to sleep.  We lay down at 10 p.m. -- after our routine of going to the potty, brushing our teeth, reading several books, making sure his room is clean, and saying prayers -- every night and he tosses and turns and climbs on me and keeps himself amused in the dark for hours.  He just doesn't feel like sleeping.  He stays in the bed with me and he behaves.  But he won't sleep, and he keeps me up.  He doesn't have caffeine during the day, he's not taking long naps -- in fact, this gets worse on the days we don't give him a nap.  A warm bath just gets him riled up.  He drinks milk.  He eats fruit before we go to bed so he has something on his tummy.  He gets plenty of physical exercise, so it's not that he needs to burn up energy. 

Sometimes as a last ditch effort, I'll put him in his room and leave him there for a little bit, which makes him cry.  And not a whiny cry, it's a the world is ending now please save me cry. If I leave him there for about two minutes and then go back and get him, a lot of times he will go to sleep.  I guess the crying wears him out or wears him down or something.  I hate to make him cry just to get him to sleep, though.  I did that Tuesday night -- it was midnight and I was so tired.  I felt dizzy and weak and I knew the next day was going to be unbearable.  I completely broke down and when I went to pick Jake back up from his room I was bawling and I held him and I said "Jake, you HAVE to go to sleep.  Mommy can't deal with this.  I'm so tired.  I have to get a little sleep tonight.  Please please please just go to sleep."  And Jake realized I was upset and he hugged me and gave me a kiss and we laid down and he did go to sleep.  But I don't want the drama every night.  What do I do?

My girls, photography, friendship . .

Ok, they're not MY girls, but they're my best friend's girls (Priscilla), and that's close enough.  I know I've said it before, but I love them SO much.  It's such a wonderful thing to have a best friend nearby and get to raise your children together.  I love that I've known both these girls since their birth.  Actually, since before their birth.  I know that Priscilla and the girls are truly a blessing from God.  Sometimes I'm not sure which one of us needs the other more.  It's definitely a friendship that occupies a huge space in my heart.

P brought the girls over on Friday night.  We were going to go out to eat, but a quick drive around the nearby eating places made us come home and scrounge for food at my house (luckily I'd just gone grocery shopping.)  Jake and Elauna played SO well together.  Elauna made a bee-line for the toys and rounded up the 3 Elmos that Jake has.  She's obsessed with Elmo's, it's so funny.  Then she'd say, "mommy, I see Elmo." (This is a 22 month old child.  Talking in sentences.  She's TOTALLY passed Jake up.  But that's ok.)  P and I have been talking a lot lately about what we're going to do in the future, as far as preschool and juggling schedules and such.  There are a lot of variables involved, like cars, jobs, work schedules, which house we each live in, etc.  We're thinking about putting the kids in preschool together -- if not this year, than next year.  She even said she would take Jake there and pick him up for me and watch him until I can get home.  I had been considering that as an option but didn't want to ask her because I didn't want to impose.  I was SO glad she brought it up.  Sometimes she talks about getting a small part-time job, but it's hard because her DH has crazy hours, and I told her I would watch the girls at night if she ever got a job.  I think she had been thinking that but didn't want to ask.  ;o)  When they're older, P is going to home school the girls, but that will work out well for me because she'll be around if I need her.  And I'm going to teach the girls piano lessons and music stuff.  (Dude, it'll be SO fun.  I'm already looking forward to it.)

P also told me that she's SO glad Elauna has Jake as a playmate, because he is so gentle and not aggressive and doesn't hit Elauna and they get along so well.  I take that as a huge compliment, it's something we've worked hard on.  Jake may not be perfect, but he knows he's not allowed to hit.  He knows he has to be nice even if he doesn't feel like it, and he knows he'll be in big trouble if he's not.  I don't think that it's too early to teach toddlers how to act and hold them accountable for their actions. It's good to talk to kids his age about friendship -- how a friend acts, what we do for friends, etc.  (How are they going to know what friendship is if we don't help them learn?)  Jake even understands that it is his job to help Elauna and make sure she is ok.  Not just because he's a boy and she's a girl, but because he's older and because he is her friend.  Friends look out for each other.

I took some pics of the kiddos -- finally got a couple of Jake and Elauna playing together, which is hard to do! -- and got some adorable ones of Aowyn.  You wouldn't believe what a doll baby she is.  Ya know how everyone always talks about how sweet and content and perfect baby Jay is?  Aowyn is the girl version of that.  She is SUCH a darling, and so easy to be around.  She looks similiar to Elauna at her age (4 months old now!), but they are very different.  E has always had a full head of hair, and A's hair is slowly rubbing away.  I know it will all come back and grow back in.  But she's just as adorable without it.  I love her gorgeous blue eyes.  She's so much fun to photograph.  I really hope that as the kids get older, Jake and E don't leave her out just because she's younger.  We'll have to work on that, too, I guess.

I'm happy with the pics, but I wish I had a better camera.  I'm especially happy with the pics of P with the kids.  She doesn't think so, but she is so beautiful!  I love when I get a picture that captures her beauty, and her relationship with her kids.  I think I could do so much more if I had more to work with (as far as a good camera).  Oh well.  This will do for now!!!

A Mama's Love

I am so glad I finally finished this SB page!  I had it almost done, then needed to buy a heart punch to finish that tag in the corner.  ;o)  This is for Jake's Mom&Me album -- wanted to show Sheri what I did with the pics you took, and wanted to share the journaling with you.  It says:

This day we spent in Atlanta with Aunt Sheri tells you one thing for sure about a mama's love -- you can act like a terror in a museum, then have the world's worst diaper in a busy restaurant, but the second we get in the car, we start from scratch.  A mama's love doesn't let frustrating details overwhelm her actions.  A mama's love holds no grudges.  A mama's love is quick to forgive and doesn't dwell on the past.  A mama's love abounds in compassion.  A mama's love hopes for the best and believes things will work out in the end.  A mama's love knows that life is messy and her child is impefect, but that's just life.  A mama's love sees the good, even in a bad situation (hey, it was kind of funny that you made such a mess and then you were too big for the baby changer.)  Regardless of what happened, Jake-man, I had a really fun time with you on my birthday.  I'm glad we were together.  Oh, and one more thing:  a mama's love NEVER ENDS.

P.S. Cara, I FINALLY scrapped a LO about our day together last summer.  (Only took eight months!)  Click here to see it at the scrappin' website I post on.  I got 15 regular sized pictures on a 2 page LO!!!  ;o)

P.P.S. Did no one read my "Interesting" post?  (Two posts down.)  Was it too long?  Don't feel like reading a blog entry about blogging?  heh.