In Search of Myself

A sad day.

This is exactly how I feel today. And since I have absolutely nothing nice to say, I'm not going to say anything.

Update:

Ok I feel the need to comment on this picture. I wasn't making him cry for the effect of a picture, it's actually the opposite -- a lot of times when he's whining and pouting [you know, acting TWO], I'll take out the camera and take a picture of him, then show it to him on the screen [ah digital!] and it usually makes him stop. Well, that, and I don't want to just take pictures of him when he's happy and behaving wonderfully, because that's leaving out so many memories of our real life. Sometimes my beautiful wonderful child acts like a brat, and that's ok! I'm a grown up, and sometimes I act like a brat, too!

Confessions of a slacker mom

You know, in the scrapbooking world, I'm a failure thus far as far as parenting and the fall season goes.

It's just assumed that a good scrapper will take their young child to a pumpkin patch and take some glorious pictures of him enjoying the pumpkins and the fall air (and he just happens to be dressed in a color that will not only perfectly compliment the pumpkins, but will also perfectly match some fall patterned paper that is already picked out for the occasion.)

I'm also supposed to take pictures of him playing in a pile of leaves, wearing a sweater and maybe a cute little hat, cheeks pink because of the cold air but a huge smile on his face none-the-less.

And you know, if I REALLY loved my child I would have bought a pumpkin or two and let him help me carve a face into it (snapping pictures all the while).

And the ultimate sin for a scrapper -- I didn't take my child Trick-or-Treating. I didn't waste money on a costume he would wear only once, then take him trudging about town for candy I would prefer he not have. I didn't dress him up and take dozens of pictures to ensure I have enough great ones for the perfect two-page layout. I just didn't FEEL like it. It's kind of a dumb holiday, and although it's fun for older kids who actually know what's going on, Jake had NO IDEA what he was missing, and would have had no idea what we were out doing. I realized the only reason I would even CONSIDER dressing him up and going Trick-or-Treating would be so I could take pictures for his scrapbook. And that's a pretty dumb reason for celebrating a holiday. So we stayed in and had a relaxing night.

You know, had I not given it to myself, I might have my "Queen of all things scrapbooking" title taken away from me. At least I have Thanksgiving coming up to redeem myself.

A Conversation with Jake about Love

Jake has figured out recently what "love" means. He isn't to the point where he can say "I love you," but if you ask him if he loves someone, he will answer yes or no.

I discovered this two weeks ago and had the following conversation with him -- and I asked him the exact same questions yesterday, and his answers were all the same. He totally knows what he's talking about.

Jake, do you love mommy? Yeah.
Do you love Nana? (my mom.) Yeah.
Do you love Elauna? Yeah yeah! Baby?
Oh, do you love Elauna's baby?
(laughing happily) yeah.
Do you love Zoe?
(suddenly serious) no.
You don't love Zoe?
No. . . Ah-nah-nah?
You love Elauna?
Yeah yeah!

He's also to the point where he wants to label everything as his. He will point to ANYTHING and say "Jake's?" Especially if someone else (like Zoe) wants it. That's his defense now -- if she tries to take something away he grabs it back and says "Jake's! Jake's!" then looks to my mom for affirmation.

At home he wants to make sure I know things are his -- especially his pillow. But he's also started patting ME and saying "Jake's." Then I have to say "Am I Jake's mommy?" and he says "yeah." Sometimes to tease him I say "Am I Elauna's mommy?" and he pats me and says "Jake's."

If I'm not going to give him a hard time about whose mommy I am, I say "Does Jake love his mommy?" and he says "yeah." So last night when I was trying to get him to sleep, he kept wanting to pat me and say "Jake's" so I would say "Am I Jake's mommy?" But his answer was "Yeah . . . YEAH." I finally figured out he was waiting for me to ask that second question "Does Jake love his mommy?" and he was just answering it before I asked. Silly buddy.