Just an Average Kid

Sitting in bed reading books with Jake last  night, I realized that I am very grateful that he's an average kid.  His intelligence isn't stunning or amazing, he's just normal. I dare to say that he is even behind in a few areas of development, but the amazing thing is: I don't care.  I know that he'll catch up eventually and in the overall picture it doesn't matter when he hit the milestones or who hit them before he did.  I still have momentary lapses, of course -- moments of panic when I, for example, hear from Cara that Liah knew all her letters by 18 months old.  Now at 26 months Jake knows almost all his letters, although there's about 10 he hasn't figured out yet.  But what I'm thrilled about is that he enjoys learning about the letters and gets excited when he sees A's, E's, or R's in the course of his day.  I love drawing letters with him on his Magna Doodle or watching him play with his fridge magnets.

I can be happy for Liah for being a remarkable kid and I don't have to let it affect how I think about Jake.  This alone is a huge leap of progress from my mother's thinking.  In her world, if I wasn't the brightest and the best at everything, life as we know it might just end.    I believed her there for a while, but gradually came to realize that just because Catie (my childhood best friend -- the blonde)was always a little smarter and a little taller than me, I didn't need to beat myself up for it.  The curse of being "exceptional" is that for some parents, it's never enough.  Children are defined so early with the gifted label and their parents make it a personal mission to push push push even farther than is necessary.  Anything less than the best just isn't good enough.  I know we all want the best for our children, and we want them to make us proud, but really: is the quest for #1 the only goal we can reach for?  Isn't it sometimes ok to just have a kid that behaves fairly well, is sweet and loving, learns well and does the best they can, even though in relation to some other kids that makes them just "average"?

I've struggled with this ever since Jake was born, trying not to be in a race with other mothers for the accomplishments of our children, particularily Ryan and Sadie from church.   The 3 kids' birthdays are July 11,  August 25, and Sept. 12.  With three kids so close in age getting together every Sunday for two hours, it's hard NOT to compare.  Luckily their mamas are older and more mature and rational about things than me (and most mothers) so we never had a problem.  We have always been quick to compliment each other's children, talking honestly about struggles and worries and joys.  If I ever voiced a concern about Jake, they would come back with a "yes, but he does this so well . . ." and made me realize he's fine.  Ryan was speaking in sentences at like 16 months (seriously) and Jake until recently has used words only when absolutely necessary.  But Jennifer doesn't gloat about it like some mothers would be tempted to do -- she just reminds me that her first child didn't talk for a long time and that Jake does things that Ryan can't.   She told me last week after watching Jake during church that she was so relieved when he dumped out an entire basket of toys and then didn't want to help her put them up, because up until that point she had never seen him do anything obnoxious and was worried that Ryan was a terror and Jake was an angel.  "Trust me," I said.  "He does all the obnoxious things Ryan does.  He just usually saves them for home."

The success of another doesn't diminish whatever success you have.  Jake walked at 10.5 months and Zoe didn't walk until 13 months -- does that mean we weren't proud of Zoe when she finally figured it out?  No way.  Does that mean that Jake is somehow superior?  No, the kid just felt like walking.  It's irrelevant.  You know, it was my sophomore year of college before I could enjoy hearing another person play the piano well and not be jealous or upset.  Until college, I had been the best pianist (aside from Catie -- she was better than me at EVERYTHING!), and college was a major little fish in the big pond experience for me.  I finally realized one day that I can't be better than EVERYONE, and I certainly didn't have the energy or desire to be the best pianist in the world, so why COULDN'T I just accept that I have fun playing and I do well for what I need to do, but I was far from being exceptional?  I can be proud of other people for their success, enjoy their music, and even admire them.  And this applies to just about everything.  My life has been a lot easier since that realization.

So back to sitting and reading books with Jake.  He is SO cute.  When it's getting close to bedtime, Jake points upstairs and says "Room?  Books?"  His current favorite are anything by Sandra Boynton.  She is AWESOME.  I used to read her books to Evie before bed when she was really little, and when I was pregnant I bought like 10 of them.  Until recently Jake wasn't very intersted in them, but now he's obsessed.   He'll pick them out himself and bring them to me, and we'll sit and look at them, talk about the pictures, and read the stories.  My favorite is the one that says "A cow says MOO.  A sheep says BAA.  Three singing pigs say LA LA LA.  No no, you say, that isn't right!  The pigs say OINK all day and night." He totally gets the humor in this.  I love making the sounds silly and making him laugh.  He likes to flip through the Going to Bed book and tell me what the characters are doing or what he sees.  "Bath.  Teeth.  Moon.  Bath."  He loves it.  While I was sitting there, giggling with him, I realized that if I was trying to make him the smartest kid ever, or if I cared about how fast he learns and pushing him ahead, I wouldn't be sitting there having fun.  I would be trying to "guide his play" and not let him have fun.  Screw that.  He's 2.  He deserves to get to enjoy his room and his books however he wants.  His personality and his sweetness are enough for me.  I'm so proud of him, just because he's Jake.

Comments

[Kelly]

You should be PROUD JEN! JAKE ROCKS! I mean that! I would love to meet him someday! In my opinion he is way more than average! Seriously girl. I LOVED the end of your entry! SO RIGHT ON! Nathan LOVES to be silly but he also happens to love to learn. I definetly dont push him in the things he knows, he wants me to do letters and numbers with him, I guess thats his personality.... Loved this entry as always...... JAKE IS VERY SMART AND TALENTED! I can guarantee you one thing, he EXCELS in a lot of areas..... He will probably grow up to be class president or something!
With love~
Kelly
PS THANK YOU SOOO MUCH for posting on me and Jens blogs about us meeting, means more to me than you know!

[Kelly]

GREAT PICS BTW, those big brown eyes of his get me everytime!

[Jen_Jake'smom]

thank you for your compliments, Kel. I think you're the head of Jake's fan club. ;o) You rock, sista.

Jen

[Lisa]

Just had to let you know that I put pics of the girls up when they weren't so happy.

Great post by the way - you should be so proud of Jake! He is so lucky to have a mom like you. I love the pics too! :)

[Pink Stuff!!!!]

Jen, One thing is fershure.... you have an wonderful way with words. You have arrived at a place that some never even thought of looking up on mapquest. Acceptance. Jake is an awesome kid and you celebrate him! You are able to be happy for others who may excel in areas that you do not. Accpetance is also very calming because you no longer have to compete, just focus on the important people in your life, treat everyone with respect and life will reward you richly.

Jake is lucky to have you for a mother. I am proud of you and your conscious dedication to being a good mother, wife, friend, etc......

Love Ya Sis, Pink Stuff!!!!

[Sue]

You're doing a damn fine job as a mother, girl! I truly admire you. Jake is beautiful and clever and funny and a credit to you :)

[Nicholas Anti]

excellent post, but it's very difficult to not be comeptitive, vicariously.

[Shelly]

I love your comments. I think parents get too caught up in wanting their children to be 'superior' and forget their children need to be JUST children!

[CaraH]

But, let's not forget that Dylan is 3.5 and knows, oh, let's see... NO letters. They're all different, girl. But, it's all good! Jake sure is a cutie!

[emily]

Averae is good for me as well.I'm more concerned with well adjusted.

[Sandi P.]

You sure got me to thinking Jen! I do feel like that sometimes I "expect" too much from Zack. Maybe he feels we, as his parents, are putting too much pressure on him to excel.

I will have to ponder on this for awhile.

Loved your entry!

[Tanya]

Well--- he is not an average kid when it come to looks ;) He is sooo adorable Jen!Those brown eyes are going to stop a lot of people in thier tracks! Or they probably already do! ;)

I am taking some pictures of my kids today and I am sure I will be coming to you for some help! ;) I want to use them for Christmas pictures so they have to be perfect!!!
Oh and I posted to you on my blog for a little help with a button! ;)

[annie]

You've figured out stuff it took me three kids to learn!

Moo, Baa, La La La was my oldest son's favorite book, too. When we'd ask him what does a pig say he'd say "la la la" and laugh hysterically!