Deep thoughts about being a mama

Do you ever have one of those moments when you look at your child and it hits you that this is NOT the longest baby-sitting job in the world, but that this is YOUR child. You grew him inside of you, he came out of you, you made the milk to sustain the beginning of his life. He is your flesh and blood, without you he wouldn't be there. You are his favorite person in the world, and he looks to you for comfort, love, and reassurance. He is YOURS, to love and to teach and to care for. This is the child you dreamed about, hoped for, and later prayed so hard for.

I had one of those moments yesterday. I was sitting on the couch with Lou, watching football (ok, reading a scrapbook magazine while Lou was watching football), and Jake was standing in his little chair next to me, watching "Winnie the Pooh" on his little DVD player. He kept climbing on me and snuggling with me, then getting down and running around, but kept coming back to me. I was watching him run around the living room and it hit me out of nowhere. I mean, I know he's my son, but sometimes it doesn't seem real, or the enormity of the whole thing just doesn't register with me. But like I said, I had a moment.

Then later that night, as I was laying with him trying to get him to go to sleep (and still dwelling a little bit on how proud I am of him for going pee-pee in the potty on command, and laughing because we do it every night before bed and that night he went and I asked him if that was all and I saw his face scrunch up and his little stomache muscles contract to make sure there was no more pee -- he is soooo funny), it dawned on me again how much I love this kid. He cuddled up against me and let me put my arm around him, let me kiss his head as many times as I want, then turned around, found my face, and planted a big kiss on my lips. (This is after laughing hilariously 5 minutes earlier as I kissed his newly-bathed feet and pretended to eat them, which he thinks is the funniest thing in the world.) Jake is such a little sweetheart. It's so hard for me sometimes to be away from him, because I'm so scared something is going to happen to him. He's so fast and gets away so quickly, sometimes I just pray and pray for God to send extra guardian angels for this kid so he doesn't get hurt.

Ok, and here's one more quick cute thing: yesterday afternoon Jake stood at the kitchen counter where I keep my camera, and pointed to it and basically begged me to get it out. I said "Do you want me to take a picture of you?" He said "Yeah yeah" and ran over to the stairway. He sat on the stairs and looked up at me and smiled a big smile. He is SO my child. (Click on picture to enlarge.)

P.S. thank you all for asking if I'm feeling better. I am functional. My throat is scratchy and I have gook in my throat that I'm working on coughing up (gross, huh!), but I am ok. I'm praying that this has almost run its course and won't turn into something else!!! Oh, and for those of you wondering about those medical tests I had run last month -- they were inconclusive. The CAT scan showed nothing out of the ordinary. The earlier ultra-sound showed there is nothing wrong with my ovaries or uterus (thank God!!!) Basically they have no idea what's wrong with me and it's not life-threatening, so I'm just letting it be and not worrying about it anymore. Fun, huh!

Comments

[Jenni]

Jake just gets cuter everyday, I can't believe how grown up he looks. Maxx still has a little baby in him. How are you feeling?

Jenni :)

[Shelly]

Jake is a cutie pie!!!
I know what you are saying! I have that with all my boys, especially Paul lately. My little boy is growing up...I will be the mom of a man! Seems so strange!
Are you feeling better yet? Hope you are feeling well soon. :)

[Elizabeth]

Wow, what a beautiful beautiful boy.

I have those moments too, it seems lately every day. I want to bottle this time with him, before he grows older and becomes so little of me...

[Jen A--Evelyn's Mommy]

That was such a sweet post, Jen. Yup, I have those moments often. I've even been known to say to Jonathon, "Can you believe we're really parents?!"

Thanks for posting the link to my blog. I have already had some readers referred from your site. I already have a readership, just by being your and Kelly's friend!

Hope you're feeling better soon. BTW, did you ever get things figured out w/ your ovaries? Did I just miss a post? Sorry if I did

Until later,
Jennifer

[Jen_Jake'smom]

JenA -- I updated this post to tell more about those problems (basically that no one knows what's wrong so I've stopped caring!)

Love you, girl! I'm so excited you have a blog!!!

Jen

[Kelly]

wow jen, i really needed that today thank you..... those pics of Jake are sooooo beautiful, the bath tub one is one of my all time faves!!!!!!!!!!! thanks for keeping us posted on all the medical stuff as well!
Yeah for Jen A!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah! Now I can stop bugging her about it lol

[Becca]

Jen, thank you for such a thoughtful, wonderful, uplifting post. I admire you so much. You made me grab Rachael as I read this, and hold her tight. They grow up TOO fast, and you need to hold on as long as possible. I can see why my own parents get so overprotective. The fear of something bad is so haunting. Yet, we must treasure those special, simple times. You captured it perfectly.

Love you! Glad you are better physically and emotionally. I've been praying for you!

God Bless you!
Becca

[Nikki]

Hey Jennifer -

YES, we have those moments (alot). I look at Kyle and can hardly believe he's mine!! I'll tell Jim, just watch him. Isn't he the greatest little boy ever?

Enjoy these moments. They go by so fast. Kyle will be 3 in Jan. I'm already sad about it. I'd love to do it all over again, but I'd like to do it with Kyle. I know that's not possible, but I'd love to relive his baby days over again.

Hope you're feeling better.

[Sandi P.]

Sorry, messed up.
I'll try again!

Jen,
Jake is a sweetheart. They do grow up entirely too fast. It seems like my youngest was born yesterday...and he's 8 years old -- yikes!!

Glad you're feeling better, hon!

[Sue]

Hi Jen
Sometimes I marvel at the fact that I'm a 'parent' to a wonderful little boy too! Especially when he's being all cutesy and loveable :)

You're so lucky, girl, that Jakes loves having his picture taken. I just get a stern 'NO!' from Ryan these days! That bath pic of Jake is gorgeous.

[Kelly]

Just wanted to check in on you, I might be crazy but I dont think I saw you anywhere yesterday, you are allowed to not be online everyday hehe just wanted to check on you and tell you that I was thinking about you.
Kelly

[emily]

I have done this before.The enormity of it just hits you!