Just a little odd

Great article about ADHD

I just read a great article at additudemag.com - "I knew I was smart."  I think these days things are better than they were 10 or 20 years ago (in terms of identifying and accommodating learning disabilities and developmental disorders), but I still wish there were more focused efforts in schools toward not expecting all children to fit the same educational mold. 

As a piano teacher I feel that if a student isn't learning a concept, it is my responsibility to find another way to present it.  I know that one-on-one instruction is very different than managing a classroom of 20 children, but somehow I think this idea still applies.

At any rate . . . the author of this article found a way to be successful in life, because she (eventually) found a way to focus her quirks to her advantage.  She also had the support of a parent who pushed her and kept her focused during college.  (I have to wonder where parental support was in her younger years, but she doesn't mention that.)

One last thought . . . this article is a perfect example of how intelligence doesn't necessarily translate to success in school.  I love when she says "At age 5, I could figure out instructional diagrams, assemble furniture, and hook up stereo equipment."  One of the things I try to focus on with Jake is zeroing in on his talents and skills - random though they may be - and helping him to develop those and feel good about them.  The fact that my child can hold his own in a two hour Monopoly game (and usually win) is more important to me than the fact that at 7 he still can't tie his shoes.  We can always buy velcro.  :)

Getting information about his day

Jake isn't the kind of kid who comes home talking a mile a minute and telling me every detail about his day.  No, he's more of the strong, silent type who responds with a grunt and an "I don't know" to the question "How was school today?"

I've figured out a way to get him talking, though.  Asking things like "Were you good?" and "What did you learn?" yield one syllable answers and cause him to tune me out.  Instead I ask him some casual questions:

"Who did you play with at recess?"
"Which related arts did you have today?"  (library, gym, art, etc.)

These questions get him on a topic that he can easily elaborate on - and once he starts thinking about recess, or thinking about art class, he has a lot to tell me.

And the last question:

"Did anyone in your class get in trouble?"

This question serves two purposes:

1. It allows us to have conversations about appropriate classroom behavior when it's not directly related to HIS behavior.  Seeing a friend get in trouble can make an impression, and he listens to me better when he's not on the defensive.  I'm always laid back in discussions about "trouble" because I want him to be able to communicate with me without fear and shame.  And I recognize that most of the time kids aren't trying to be bad; what's more, we all get to try again tomorrow.

Jake is highly amused when I say things like "It's hard sometimes to remember not to talk when the teacher's talking.  Once when I was in Kindergarten I just couldn't stop talking to my friend Courtney during circle time, and we both got our names on the board.  I felt like the world had ended.  But really, it wasn't a big deal.  I just needed to remember next time to listen to my teacher."

(true story.)

2. Asking if anyone in his class got in trouble that day gives Jake an opening to tell me if HE has gotten in trouble.  It rarely happens, but sometimes he'll get a check next to his name for talking or not following directions . . . and in the past it has taken him 3 days to a week to process what has happened and voluntarily talk to me about it.  He's not withholding information, he just is still figuring out the words.  He always tells me eventually, and I can tell it's being weighing heavy on him.  I'm trying to speed up that process, and help him to figure out how to talk with me.

I do communicate regularily with Jake's teacher, but she's not going to e-mail me about small things - nor do I expect her to.  I'm trying to work with Jake to make talking about school a normal, enjoyable part of our day, and not just an interrogation when things have gone wrong.

New school year worries

I was e-mailing with Jake's Kindergarten teacher today, talking with her about the teacher he will have for 1st grade when school starts next week.  She said, about Jake's new teacher:

She is a great teacher! Jake will do wonderful with her.  It is a great match.

At the risk of seeming over-bearing and too worried, I wrote back:

does she like energetic little boys?  LOL

And she, ever gracious, told me:

She is wonderful with that.  Jen believe me I have had energetic,  he is fine in the room!

And during this e-mail exchange, I realized what I'm REALLY worried about: I am worried my luck will run out. 

Jake has had 3 years of school thus far (two of preschool, one of Kindergarten) and he has had fabulous teachers who have been exceptionally kind and could gently guide Jake back when his mind strayed.  And they loved him like family.  He thrived in their rooms and had good school experiences each time because of their teaching.

In the back of my mind, I wonder when my great and empathetic teachers luck is going to run out.  I wonder when a new teacher is going to see only Jake's negative behaviors rather than his great personality.

I think we've all known a teacher who just doesn't have the temperament to be a teacher.  Or who is great when everyone is perfectly behaved, but doesn't have the patience for wiggly kids who get up from their desks when they're not supposed to because they just can't finish the task at hand.  I knew some interesting teachers when *I* was in elementary school who did NOT tolerate energetic little boys.  I'm still a bit sad about what I have witnessed.

I have great empathy for teachers.  I know that I personally don't have the patience and emotional endurance to be kind to 20 kids, 7 hours a day, and I admire teachers greatly for their work.  They have an extremely taxing job, and I do my best to support Jake's teachers each year in any way I can.  The grand majority of teachers I've come into contact with from Jake's school are absolutely fabulous.

But sometimes it takes just one bad interaction, just one bad day or wrong thing said for a person's mind to start to be colored about another.  And sometimes a series of small things can drive one to exasperation.  And sometimes two people just don't click - and there's nothing that can bridge that gap.  And buddy, when that is hanging around in the room, school becomes very unpleasant for a child who is already struggling to make it through the day.

And so, as another school year starts, I waffle between being upfront and sharing too much, between knowing my son is a great student and worrying that the new expectations of 1st grade might be a strain for his attention . . . and I pray to goodness that my great luck with teachers thus far will hold out at least one more year.