Just a little odd

Halloween fun

We had a very fun-filled October - Jake and I counted yesterday, he went to 6 separate fall/Halloween activities this year!

We went to a local farm in mid-October to run around, go on a tractor ride, take photos, and pick our pumpkins.  As the evening drew to a close, we stopped at the canteen to buy some food.  Both when I paid the person for food and when I paid the person for our pumpkins, Jake reached out to them with something in his hand.  I had bought him a little bag of Smarties earlier that day, and he was carrying them around in his pocket - he decided to give each person a roll.  It was really cute.

He couldn't bring himself to talk to them, so they looked at me questioningly and I had to tell them "Umm, he wants to give you some Smarties."  Both ladies were thrilled and thought it was so sweet.

. . . . . . . . . .

On the Friday before Halloween, my friend and I took our collective kids to a trunk-or-treat at a local church.  This friend often plays video games and Legos with Jake, so he's well aware of Jake's personality and attention span.

Jake had just run up to me, thrilled to pieces over all the candy he had collected and how much fun he was having playing games and I was laughing at his enthusiasm.  As he ran off to have more fun, I told my friend "You know, I really don't feel bad about not telling Jake that Santa or the Tooth Fairy is real and depriving him of that 'magic' of childhood like some people accuse us of - he gets plenty magic and wonder just from stuff like this."

And my friend said "Yes, until 20 minutes later, when he gets bored and forgets about it."

HAHAHA.  Touche.  And very true.

P.S. Here is a scrapbook project with pictures from our very first trip to the pumpkin farm, plus a few pics from this year.

Pay attention!

I just got home from work and made some rice (which is pushing it for me - I rarely, if ever, cook) and went to grab some shredded cheese to put on top of it . . . and the bag of shredded cheese was wide open.  To be fair, it WAS put back in the fridge.  And luckily Jake had only used it yesterday, so there wasn't enough time for the cheese to completely spoil.  It's just a little more firm than I prefer.

Still, annoying.  And not an isolated incident.

A few months ago, Jake's dad came up the stairs very early in the morning, and very mad.  Through gritted teeth, he asked who had left the fridge door wide open all night.  Yes, all night.  Everything in our fridge was ruined.

The night before, after I was already upstairs for the night, Jake had decided he wanted one more snack.  I let him delay bedtime to run downstairs to grab a cheese stick.  (Hmm, cheese again.)  And I know what happened, because I know my child. 

What he was thinking about was the cheese stick.  He wasn't thinking are the lights turned back off as I leave the room?  He wasn't thinking am I watching where I'm walking so I don't trip and fall? (Happens a lot.)  He certainly wasn't thinking did I make sure to close the fridge door so all the contents won't ruin overnight?  No, in his one-track-mind way of functioning, he was thinking about the cheese stick.  And he acquired it, so there was nothing further to focus on at that moment.

Once he realized that morning what happened to all our food, Jake genuinely did feel bad about it.  And he didn't really get in trouble for the event, because it was as much my fault for letting him go downstairs by himself to mess around in the fridge as it was his for not paying attention.  I chalked it up to another learning experience for both of us.

Great article about ADHD

I just read a great article at additudemag.com - "I knew I was smart."  I think these days things are better than they were 10 or 20 years ago (in terms of identifying and accommodating learning disabilities and developmental disorders), but I still wish there were more focused efforts in schools toward not expecting all children to fit the same educational mold. 

As a piano teacher I feel that if a student isn't learning a concept, it is my responsibility to find another way to present it.  I know that one-on-one instruction is very different than managing a classroom of 20 children, but somehow I think this idea still applies.

At any rate . . . the author of this article found a way to be successful in life, because she (eventually) found a way to focus her quirks to her advantage.  She also had the support of a parent who pushed her and kept her focused during college.  (I have to wonder where parental support was in her younger years, but she doesn't mention that.)

One last thought . . . this article is a perfect example of how intelligence doesn't necessarily translate to success in school.  I love when she says "At age 5, I could figure out instructional diagrams, assemble furniture, and hook up stereo equipment."  One of the things I try to focus on with Jake is zeroing in on his talents and skills - random though they may be - and helping him to develop those and feel good about them.  The fact that my child can hold his own in a two hour Monopoly game (and usually win) is more important to me than the fact that at 7 he still can't tie his shoes.  We can always buy velcro.  :)

Impulsiveness

There are times I think Jake's impulsiveness is lovely.

Don't get me wrong, I could certainly do without the safety concerns - when he decides to run away from me in a store or a parking lot, or when he thinks it would be a good idea to climb furniture or open something with a sharp knife without thinking first of safety concerns.

But in his daily life at home, a little impulsiveness can be refreshing.  Right now he is upstairs cleaning and "redecorating" his room.  It will be interesting to see the result - but I figure it's his room, he can do with it as he likes.  We can always repaint.  (He likes to tape things to the wall, and occasionally sign his name somewhere other than paper.)

My to-do list never ends, and I find myself constantly paralyzed by indecision and lack of energy.  I'll get an idea, but don't act on it - and then I find I've forgotten what it was.  I'll know I really need to do a task, but put it off day after day because I don't "feel" like doing it.

Jake, though.  He decides he's going to do something, and he DOES it.  He drops what he was doing before, and goes full in.  And he sticks with it until it's done - regardless of passing meal time or bedtime.  He's focused and determined - and the trick as he gets older is going to be helping him to channel those tendencies so he can both follow his interests and impulses, as well as get things done like school work and making a living.

I personally think the kid has potential to do great things.  He just will do them in his own ways.  And I see that as a gift.

New school year worries

I was e-mailing with Jake's Kindergarten teacher today, talking with her about the teacher he will have for 1st grade when school starts next week.  She said, about Jake's new teacher:

She is a great teacher! Jake will do wonderful with her.  It is a great match.

At the risk of seeming over-bearing and too worried, I wrote back:

does she like energetic little boys?  LOL

And she, ever gracious, told me:

She is wonderful with that.  Jen believe me I have had energetic,  he is fine in the room!

And during this e-mail exchange, I realized what I'm REALLY worried about: I am worried my luck will run out. 

Jake has had 3 years of school thus far (two of preschool, one of Kindergarten) and he has had fabulous teachers who have been exceptionally kind and could gently guide Jake back when his mind strayed.  And they loved him like family.  He thrived in their rooms and had good school experiences each time because of their teaching.

In the back of my mind, I wonder when my great and empathetic teachers luck is going to run out.  I wonder when a new teacher is going to see only Jake's negative behaviors rather than his great personality.

I think we've all known a teacher who just doesn't have the temperament to be a teacher.  Or who is great when everyone is perfectly behaved, but doesn't have the patience for wiggly kids who get up from their desks when they're not supposed to because they just can't finish the task at hand.  I knew some interesting teachers when *I* was in elementary school who did NOT tolerate energetic little boys.  I'm still a bit sad about what I have witnessed.

I have great empathy for teachers.  I know that I personally don't have the patience and emotional endurance to be kind to 20 kids, 7 hours a day, and I admire teachers greatly for their work.  They have an extremely taxing job, and I do my best to support Jake's teachers each year in any way I can.  The grand majority of teachers I've come into contact with from Jake's school are absolutely fabulous.

But sometimes it takes just one bad interaction, just one bad day or wrong thing said for a person's mind to start to be colored about another.  And sometimes a series of small things can drive one to exasperation.  And sometimes two people just don't click - and there's nothing that can bridge that gap.  And buddy, when that is hanging around in the room, school becomes very unpleasant for a child who is already struggling to make it through the day.

And so, as another school year starts, I waffle between being upfront and sharing too much, between knowing my son is a great student and worrying that the new expectations of 1st grade might be a strain for his attention . . . and I pray to goodness that my great luck with teachers thus far will hold out at least one more year.

How it feels to have ADHD

Sometimes the hardest part of parenting non-neuro-typical kids is not being able to relate to their personality or quirks or behavior.  Luckily (well, luckily for me in terms of relating to Jake) I was also a classic example of ADHD as a child.  I had the advantage of functioning very well in school - I was able to channel my energy into learning and being a bookworm (but I also got in trouble a LOT at home.)  Because of my history as a hyper kid, I can relate to a lot of Jake's randomness - and most days I have a lot of empathy for him.

A few months ago, Jake and I were sitting together on the couch watching TV.  He was perched sitting forward, always moving, legs bouncing, body rocking, eyes darting.  And I had a lightening-bolt insight:

You know that feeling you get, the rush of endorphins that comes after you've had a close-call in the car, or when you're walking in the dark and get spooked?  The fight or flight response that makes you hyper-aware and feel like you're able to run a city block before thinking twice?

My child feels that way every. second. of. the. day.

When I remember this, and when I consider this first before reacting to Jake, it's much easier to understand his behaviors and to find ways to channel his energy in a positive way -- rather than fight AGAINST his energy and his natural rhythms.

Empathy is so much easier than anger.